Why Adulting with ADHD Feels Like Juggling Flaming Swords (And How to Make It Easier)

Let’s be real — adulting is hard for anyone. But when you’ve got ADHD, it can feel like juggling flaming swords … while blindfolded … on a unicycle. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “Why can’t I just get my shit together like everyone else?” you’re definitely not alone.

I spent years struggling with the day-to-day tasks of being an adult. The constant forgetting, procrastinating, and overwhelming sense that I was always behind made me feel like I was failing at life and, even worse, letting my family down in the process. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with ADHD shortly before my 40th birthday that things started to make sense. Now, I help others navigate the chaos of adulting with ADHD. In this post, I’m diving into a little bit of why adulting is so freaking hard when you’ve got ADHD and sharing some small but practical tips to help you manage the madness.

Why Is Adulting So Hard with ADHD?

• Working Memory: This is what allows you to hold information in your mind long enough to use it. ADHD can turn your working memory into a constant game of “why did I come in this room again?” It’s why you might forget what you’re supposed to be doing the second you switch tasks.
• Task Initiation: Starting tasks can feel like trying to push a boulder uphill. You want to do the thing, but for some reason, you just can’t.
• Planning and Prioritizing: Figuring out what’s most important and when to do it can be a significant struggle for ADHD brains. Everything can feel like it’s equally urgent (or equally unimportant), leading to overwhelm or paralysis.
• Time Management: Time blindness is a common ADHD experience, where you are underestimating or overestimating how long things will take or how long you’ve been doing something. This can lead to missed deadlines or rushing to finish tasks at the last minute, or that terrible moment when you look at the time and realize you’ve actually been scrolling Facebook for two hours instead of the 10 minutes it felt like.

Understanding these challenges is step one, but managing them requires a set of ADHD-friendly strategies.

Mindset Shifts for Navigating ADHD Challenges

Before we jump into the more nitty gritty day-to-day ideas for managing executive dysfunction, first I want to talk about some mindset shifts to help set you up for success.

1. Don’t Try to Fix Everything at Once

One of the biggest traps ADHDers fall into is trying to overhaul everything all at once. It feels like there’s so much to fix, and that overwhelming feeling can lead to frustration and burnout. The key here is to start small. Pick one area of your life where you’re struggling the most and focus on that first. It’s all about building momentum. Once you get comfortable with one new habit, you can move on to the next.

Think of it like leveling up in a video game — you can’t skip straight to the final boss, but with every small victory, you’re getting stronger and more prepared.

2. Give Yourself Grace

The journey to becoming better at adulting with ADHD is full of trial and error. Some days you’ll crush it, other days you’ll barely manage to get out of bed. And that’s okay! It’s a default for many of us to feel like we are failing at almost everything, but being hard on yourself for not being “perfect” will only put you further away from your goals. You’re playing the game of life on hard mode, and you deserve kindness and understanding, especially from yourself.

Celebrate the small wins, and remember that you’re doing the best you can, even if that looks different from one day to the next.

Practical Tips for Managing Executive Function Challenges

OK, now that those pesky mindset tips are out of the way, let’s dive in some actionable stuff. Learning to successfully adult with ADHD isn’t a one-size-fits-all process. It’s more like a “build-your-own-adulting-toolkit” kind of thing. The key is to experiment, tweak, and personalize your strategies until you find what works for your brain — and learning how to keep those strategies working over time.

Here are a few of my favorite ADHD-friendly hacks for different executive function challenges:

Struggling to Focus

If you find yourself easily distracted or unable to stay focused for long periods, you’re not alone! When I find myself fighting focus issues, here are a few of my go-to strategies to help in the moment:

• Take a Walk: If you think it’s annoying as hell that something as simple as movement and sunshine can improve your focus, I totally agree. But it works. It doesn’t have to be a long walk, even 5 or 10 minutes can be helpful.
• Find a Focus Soundtrack: Silence can be just as distracting as noise. If that’s the case for you, consider creating a focus soundtrack, maybe a mix of instrumental music or ambient sounds. The goal is soothing (but not so much it puts you to sleep) and drowning out distractions without the music itself being a distraction. Tools like Brain.fm or white noise apps are designed for this but personally I like to listen to the Lord of the Rings soundtrack … cause I’m a nerd.
• Pomodoro Technique: This method breaks your work into 25-minute sprints, followed by a short break. By working in short bursts, you create a sense of urgency and prevent burnout. It also allows your brain to “reset” between tasks. 
• Visual Timers: Use visual or auditory timers to keep yourself aware of time passing and to remind you to switch tasks or take breaks. I have this Alexa echo dot on my desk that shows my countdown timer, but a small kitchen timer is cheap, easy to find and does the job.

Can’t Get Started

Starting can feel like the hardest part of a task, whether it’s making a phone call or cleaning your house. The following tips can help with getting over the initial hump of task initiation:

• Body Doubling: This just means having another person around while you work. It could be a friend or someone on a virtual co-working session. The presence of someone else helps provide external motivation and accountability.
• “Just 5 Minutes”: Lower the barrier to entry for the task. Tell yourself you’ll work on the task for just 5 minutes. Do it slowly, do it badly, do it however you can. Often, once you start, you’ll build momentum and keep going longer, but don’t beat yourself up if that doesn’t happen.
• Chunking Tasks: Breaking large tasks into smaller, bite-sized chunks helps make them feel more manageable. For example, instead of “Clean the whole house,” break it down into steps like “Empty the dishwasher,” “Wipe down the counters,” etc. The smaller the task, the easier it is to start.
• Fighting Day-to-Day Chaos: Lack of structure to your day-to-day life can make it really hard for your brain to decide what needs to be done, when, and in what order, and then get started. When life feels chaotic, adding structure through external tools can help you regain control:
• Find Your Routine: People with ADHD often hate structure or the idea of routines but man they really help with not feeling constantly adrift and subject to the whims of wherever the universe wants to blow us at any given time. Daily or weekly routines — even very small ones — provide your brain with a predictable structure and give you anchors to latch on to when life gets crazy. This idea probably sounds awful, but stay tuned for future content dedicated to this idea to make it easier. 
• Time Blocking: Block out chunks of time in your schedule for specific tasks or categories of work. Match up the blocks of time to your energy levels. For example, if you find yourself more focused in the morning, set aside 9-11 AM for work that requires extra brain power. This prevents decision fatigue and makes it easier to stay on track.
• External Reminders: Don’t try to keep all the things in your head. Relying on your brain to remember things like appointments or text messages you need to return or things you need from the grocery store – that is setting yourself up for failure. Use reminders or visual cues to keep track of what needs to happen when. Digital tools like Google Calendar, Todoist, or simple sticky notes can serve as visual “nudges” to help you follow your routine. This is something that can require a lot of fine tuning to find the best system for you, but it’s worth the work.

Trouble Prioritizing

When everything feels equally important, deciding what to tackle first can be paralyzing. Instead of trying to do it all, these strategies can help you identify the tasks that matter most:

• The Eisenhower Matrix: This simple tool can help you sort your tasks into four categories: urgent/important, not urgent/important, urgent/not important, and not urgent/not important. This gives you clarity on what truly needs your attention and what can be postponed or delegated.
• The Two Important Things Rule: Rather than overwhelming yourself with a long to-do list, focus on completing just two important tasks each day. Ask yourself, “What two things will make me feel most accomplished today?” or “What two things will have serious consequences if they don’t get done today?” Reduce decision fatigue as much as you can. 

Can’t Remember What Needs to Be Done:

ADHD often comes with working memory challenges, which makes it easy to forget what needs to happen next. Here’s a few options to help keep things from falling through the cracks:

• Habit Stacking: Pair a new task with an existing habit to help you remember. For example, take your medication right after brushing your teeth (and keep it next to your toothbrush so you don’t have to go somewhere else to make that work). The more you associate one task with another, the lower the bar is for remembering & doing it.
• Outsource Your Memory: Use tools like Todoist, Trello, or a simple notebook to keep a running list of tasks. Even sticky notes on the fridge or near your computer can serve as helpful reminders. The key is to figure out what method is best suited to you and how you can make it a habit to check it regularly. A beautiful Trello list isn’t going to help if you spend all of your day away from a computer. Lists of tasks are useless if you just write them and set them down somewhere never to be found again.

Final Thoughts

Adulting with ADHD may feel like an uphill battle, but it’s not impossible. By building systems that work for your unique brain, you can manage the chaos and even thrive in it. Remember, the goal isn’t to be perfect — it’s to find what works for you. And if today’s tips don’t do the trick, don’t worry! There’s plenty more where that came from.

If you’re ready to dig deeper, make sure to subscribe to my podcast, ADHD Adult(ish), where I’ll be sharing more tips, tricks, and real-life stories to help you level up your life with ADHD. You’ve got this!

Struggling to Find the Right Strategies for Overcoming Your ADHD Challenges? Coaching Can Help

Feeling overwhelmed by the chaos of adulting with ADHD? You don’t have to figure it all out alone! With 1-on-1 coaching, we’ll dive into your unique challenges and create practical strategies that actually work for you. If you’re ready for real change, schedule a free discovery call. Together, we’ll turn the chaos into progress.